Zlat set to be shot down by French authorities, tiki-taka in Bavaria (despite only drawing) and Milito rules out Inter Scudetto challenge.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s spot kick fired ten-man PSG to an excellent win against Marseille in ‘Le Classique’ on Sunday, but it was the Swede’s shooting that was the problem against Toulouse last week.
Upon being substituted, Ibrahimovic aimed a gun gesture towards the Toulouse bench and is now set to appear before a disciplinary committee for his troubles.

Spot on: Zlatan Ibrahimovic scored the winning goal - a penalty - as Paris Saint-Germain beat rivals Marseille on Sunday night but he could face censure for last week's gun gesture aimed at the Toulouse bench (below)

The gesture was believed to have been directed at Jonathan Zebina - Ibrahimovic’s former Juventus team-mate who has found himself on the wrong end of the striker’s legendary fiery temperament before. According to his recent autobiography, anyway.
‘Maybe he needed publicity for his book. He sold lots of them, and that's good for him,’ the French defender jibed.
‘It's better to say “I caught him with a good right and he fell to the ground” than “my fingernail brushed his eye”.’

Fiery: Ibrahimovic takes it upon himself to clear a flare from the pitch

Kicking on: Paris Saint Germain celebrate Ibrahimovic's winning goal at the Stade Velodrome

 

This season’s Montpellier and Lyon sides are a far cry from their title-winning predecessors of recent years, and so when the two teams met on Sunday it was safe to assume that there would be more than three points at stake.
What really was on the line was pride, and Lyon were left with precious little of it by the final whistle after having their derrieres handed to them by a rampant Montpellier, losing 5-1 in the end.
The result boosts Montpellier up to eighth place in the table, while Lyon slip to 14th. For those wondering, this is the same Lyon that won the Ligue 1 title seven years in a row between 2001 and 2008.

Rout: Montpellier forward Victor Hugo Montano (centre) is congratulated by teammates Remy Cabella and Souleymane Camara (left) after scoring one of his team's five against Lyon

 

While his team might not be the force they used to be, Montpellier chairman Louis Nicollin is always good value for a ridiculous quote or two, and he didn’t disappoint last week.
Ever the motivator, Nicollin said of his struggling manager: ‘I won't sack Jean Fernandez after 10 games. Although he's not exactly showing us a Brave New World so far.’
Later in the week Nicollin showed his support for the women’s side of the game with his characteristic mix of subtlety and charm:
‘Women's football has been so maligned, but I think they are charming, cute. I think they are even more beautiful than basketball players. Though maybe volleyball players are the most beautiful. But footballers, not bad.’

Could have been worse: Lyon's goalkeeper Anthony Lopes keeps out a Montpellier shot

 

It would seem that the chant ‘Ooh, aah, Cantona!’ now carries a whole new meaning after The King was cast in a French erotic film.
The Manchester United hero will play ‘The Stallion’ in ‘Meetings After Midnight’ which devoted United fans will presumably be able to pick up from the club shop in the near future.

GERMANY

Shock and horror were served up in equal measure in Germany on Saturday, as Bayern Munich DREW against Bayer Leverkusen and Borussia Dortmund LOST to Borussia Monchengladbach.
Dortmund’s first league loss of the season sees them knocked off the top spot by Bayern, and there misery was compounded when centre-half Mats Hummels saw red for a last-man challenge.

I'll drink to that: Bayern boss Pep Guardiola enjoys a beer at Oktoberfest but his side were pegged back by Sidney Sam at Leverkusen on Saturday (below)

I'll drink to that: Bayern boss Pep Guardiola enjoys a beer at Oktoberfest but his side were pegged back by Sidney Sam at Leverkusen on Saturday

Bayern’s draw didn’t stop club legend Lothar Matthaus piling praise onto Pep Guardiola for his implementing of tiki-taka football on the German champions.
‘I would say that it's tiki-taka in Bavaria,’ the former midfielder said.
‘This is football as we have known it in the past from Spain. These are the innovations in the Bayern team.’

Impressed: Lothar Matthaus, seen here playing for Bayern back in 2000, has enjoyed Guardiola's tiki-taka

Matthaus was also complementary of Philipp Lahm, who has made the switch from right-back to defensive midfielder under Guardiola.
‘He smells the ball. He realises what the enemy is up to. It is so important for Guardiola because he is a defensive-minded player, not like [Bastian] Schweinsteiger or [Toni] Kroos.’

 

After Bayern’s dominant mid-week win over Manchester City, Bild decided that losing so comprehensively wasn’t quite embarrassing enough for the City players, and so the paper launched into a damning critique of their performance, including such choice lines as ‘Hart is the latest in a long line of England goalkeeping calamities,’ and ‘Toure and Richards might work out as nightclub bouncers, but against a real football team they were useless.’
Ouch.

Brutal criticism: The German papers called Joe Hart a 'calamity' after his awful performance against Bayern in the Champions League

 

Zlatan Ibrahimovic, in another busy week, found time to revisit his feud with various members of the Bayern Munich/Pep Guardiola hierarchy after club president Uli Hoeness branded him ‘an aggrieved prima donna.’
Zlatan took particular exception to the criticism and, in reference to allegations of tax evasion surrounding the 61-year-old, issued this retort:
‘The only thing I'd like to say is that I wouldn't want this Whyness, or what's his name again? Hoeness, right. I wouldn't want him as a tax consultant.’

ITALY

If there were still any doubts over Roma’s title-winning credentials before the weekend, Saturday’s emphatic 3-0 win over Inter Milan at the San Siro should have put paid to them.
The nature of the result will have come as a surprise to many, but Inter’s own Diego Milito probably saw it coming. The striker was asked by Gazzetta dello Sport to name his favourites for the Scudetto this season and didn’t include his own side.

Write-off: Inter striker Diego Milito (centre) said Roma, Juventus and Napoli were the only sides who could win the Scudetto

‘I’ll say three names,’ Milito responded. ‘Juventus, Roma and Napoli.’
At least he didn’t say Milan.

 

After an excellent start to the season, former Arsenal misfit Gervinho was on hand to weigh in with two assists for his new team-mates at Roma.
Gervinho never really got off the ground while at Arsenal, and a series of directionless performances reminiscent of Bambi on ice prompted Arsene Wenger to sell the winger to his former manager Rudi Garcia, with whom he won the Ligue 1 title with Lille in 2011.

On song: Gervinho was on song for Roma as they beat Inter 3-0 at the San Siro, before having a sly dig at former boss Arsene Wenger

Strong statement: Francesco Totti (second left) is mobbed by his Roma teammates Alessandro Florenzi, Daniele De Rossi and Gervinho after scoring

In an interview with Gazzetta dello Sport, Gervinho spoke of his relationship with Garcia while simultaneously aiming a not-so-sly dig at Wenger.
‘Surely, I had more affinity with Garcia than I had with Wenger,’ Gervinho said.
‘There is faith from everyone and we have started in a good way. My goals? My worry wasn't to score but to adapt myself to the project and let the group know me.’

 

It’s been an exciting week in the Maldini household.
Italian press have reported that Paolo Maldini is set to take up the in-vogue role of Sporting Director at PSG, replacing former Milan boss Leonardo.

Back in the game: Milan legend Paolo Maldini is set to become sporting director at PSG, while son Christian has joined Milan's first team

Meanwhile, Maldini’s 17-year-old son, Christian, has been training with the Milan first team along with several other youngsters from the cubs Primavera youth side.
I’m sure I’m not alone in hoping Maldini lives up to his name, but you’d have thought he would have chosen not to be a full-back.

 

Galatasaray’s excellent draw with Juventus may caught some of you off guard, but we now know how manager Roberto Mancini pulled off the result.
TV pundit Adriano Bacconi has revealed that he met with Mancini, and how he advised the former Manchester City boss to prepare his side for the match with Juventus.

Helping hand: Roberto Mancini took some advice from Italian TV pundit Adriano Bacconi to help Galatasaray get a draw against Juventus

‘Let us make this very clear: I gave a few suggestions which I had taken from the analysis of Juve’s games,’ Bacconi blabbed. ‘Galatasaray had fired Fatih Terim and with him their expert in match analysis. It was an added problem for Mancini, who had barely even been there for 48 hours.
‘Mancio is maniacal about these things. When we met, more or less 90 minutes before the technical meeting with the team, he already had very clear ideas.
‘He would use a compact side with a 4-4-1-1 and Wesley Sneijder behind Didier Drogba. We discussed how to neutralise the Bianconeri’s strongest elements, particularly Andrea Pirlo and Carlos Tevez.
‘I advised him to put Sneijder there as the first line, while with Tevez it was better to put a midfielder on his movements and leave the back four in a line. That way they would block central runs and force Juve to go down the flanks.’

Effective: Wesley Sneijder played just behind Didier Drogba as the Turkish side earned a point

SPAIN

It took another very late goal to get Real Madrid out of trouble against Levante on Saturday, but Atletico’s win over Celta Vigo ensured they stayed five points clear of their arch rivals and level with league leaders Barcelona.
Atletico are starting to look like the real deal this season, and their master class in the Madrid derby the previous weekend resulted in one Spanish TV network playing the Benny Hill theme music over clips of Real’s comical defending.

Comeback: Sergio Ramos and Real Madrid left it late to claim victory at Levante on Saturday night but the gap with Atletico remains at five points

 

Despite missing a penalty, Diego Costa was again Atletico’s hero as his brace saw them past Celta Vigo and put him one behind Lionel Messi in the top scorers table.
Ten goals in eight games is a lot by most people’s standards, but for someone who ‘plays like a defender’, it’s a hell of a lot.
That’s how former Real Madrid striker Jorge Valdano described Costa when considering the forward’s decision to represent Spain over his native Brazil.

Setting the pace: Atletico are joint-top with Barcelona after Diego Costa scored in their win over Celta Vigo

‘He would be a complement to the passing game of Spain,’ Valdano insisted.
‘There is plenty of time between now and the World Cup to fit a striker like Diego into the team.
‘He is a defender playing in attack, I have never seen a forward fight so much.’

 

Elsewhere, the hapless Rayo Vallecano got themselves off the foot of the table with an unlikely 1-0 win over Real Sociedad.
It was only a week ago that Rayo coach Paco Jemez’s depressing ramblings on his side’s performances started to get a bit scary.

On the up: Rayo Vallecano moved off the foot of the La Liga table with a win over Real Sociedad

‘We slit our own wrists every day,’ Jemez groaned. ‘No one hurts us as much as we hurt ourselves.’
Chin up, Paco. I’d say things are looking up.

 

Getafe’s new Romanian striker doesn’t appear to have put much thought into his move to Spain. The former Schalke man will play with his christian name on the back of his shirt due to the unfortunate Spanish translation of his surname: Faggot.

…AND FINALLY

Centro Sportivo Italia (CSI) is a Christian organisation in Italy that gets kids involved with sport, as well as teaching them Christian morals.
In a unique method of combining Religious Education and P.E., CSI have started issuing blue cards for acts of blasphemy on the football field, as well as an eight-minute time-out for the offending player.